Geoff Keighley

All posts tagged Geoff Keighley

Drinking again

I thought there was no way the Game Awards would make it past year one. When year two rolled around I assumed that’s it, that’s the ball game, this shit show couldn’t possibly go on from here. Now it’s year three, and the reality that this will be an annual responsibility of mine is quickly becoming apparent. Lets get this shit show started.

The award show doesn’t start until the top of the hour, but best mobile and family game awards are being casually announced already. The awards go to Pokemon GO. Reminder that an actual-ass Pokemon came out this year too and that Pokemon GO is widely considered to have under delivered. Also it’s barely a game. But whatever, this is the Game Awards, chaos reigns!

Gearbox is publishing Bulletstorm: Full Clip Edition, set to release April 2017. You can preorder it now (don’t) by opening up the digital dashboard on your favorite console (don’t do it) and you can get it at a nice discount (not worth it.) You can also play as Duke Nukem (still not worth it.)

[BULLETSTORM IS A GREAT GAME. GEORGE’S OPINIONS ARE SOLELY HIS OWN AND NOT THOSE OF DESTROY ALL CHILDREN DOT COM — Ed.]

More awards. Best fighting game is Street Fighter V because, of course. Best VR game is Rez: Infinite, and most anticipated game was Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Gotta get all these awards out of the way before the show starts, it would take away from valuable advertiser time.

The show has officially started, and rather than head right into awards for games, Geoff is righting the wrong of last year’s show by giving Hideo Kojima the industry icon award. The crowd is changing “KOJIMA! KOJIMA!”

Kojima has taken to the stage, but Hideki Hayakawa has just come from out of nowhere and blind sighted him with a folding chair. Hayakawa has taken the award! He grabbed the mic and said “see you at E3” and walked off stage. Kojima is being taken off stage by stretcher.

New Death Stranding trailer reveals Mads Mikkelsen is in the game. Death Stranding, true to its previous trailer, looks dope as hell. Kojima (like all of us here at DAC) is mad about Mads.

And now this lady is here to talk about Warframe. Cool great, what a great way to follow up Death Stranding.

I’m not sure whether it was my internet or something else, but I could not get the Game Awards to continue streaming after the Warframe thing.

I decided to take a shower, the stream is up and working again. I wonder what I missed.

cyo05srvqaap9ai-jpg-large

alright

Best performance is up next, half of the nominees are from Uncharted 4, two actors from Firewatch are up for the award. Nolan North won. Wowie zowie, what a shock.

Michael Phelps (who looks like a mutated Stretch Armstrong doll come to life [this was my joke and I was not accredited properly so I must make it clear who wears the pants in this relationship — Ed.] ) is here to announce the best e-sports. I wasn’t paying attention when they announce the winner because I honestly don’t care, I don’t care even a little bit.

Gotta say, if you pronounce Mario like “mary-oh” then you aren’t qualified to be on stage during a video games award show. Winner of best sports game is Forza Horizon 3.

the-game-awards-trophy-weta_1920.0.0

Last year’s Game Awards was an unmitigated disaster. Poor musical guests, gross pandering, and some of the most insane camera cuts I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Well, sleepy-eyed Geoff Keighley is at it again, and you know what that means… I’m going to watch the game awards so you don’t have to.

Continue Reading