Goofs

Pictured: John Cena, one of the most ape-like creatures on Earth, has been tapped to play the titular role.

Pictured: John Cena, one of the most ape-like creatures on Earth, has been tapped to play the titular role.

Nintendo is dipping their toes into Video Game Movie waters again, this time with a film adaptation of the classic video game series Donkey Kong.  John Cena, current and twelve-time WWE Champion, will portray Donkey Kong himself through a combination of live action and CGI.

“It’s like Where The Wild Things Are, if you remember that,” said Cena of the process, “where it’s mostly me, but they computer in some fur and whatever. I get to wear the actual red tie that was modeled by a gorilla for the original arcade cabinet art. It’s a real honor.”

Nintendo Media Productions, a newly-formed subsidiary, will advise on the project in conjunction with Miramax. Donkey Kong creator Shigeru Miyamoto, when asked if he could divulge any further details about the movie, simply said, “You will rike it,” and gave an adorable, impish grin.

Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper are expected to reprise their roles as Mario Mario and King Koopa, respectively.

Note from the Editor: Raoul Davis has been missing for the past week, since we received his first article over the mojo wire. The following has been pieced together from papers found at his known whereabouts, as well as discarded audio tapes. The result is barely coherent, and should not be taken as total authorial intent.

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reggie

I arrive in Los Angeles and can immediately sense that something is amiss. As the plane’s landing gear touches the runway, I’m overcome with a feeling of dread thicker than any smog blanketing the ironically-named city that plays host to the also ironically-named Electronic “Entertainment” Expo every year. This year, with new hardware released, has the potential to be the most exciting in close to a decade, full of vibrant new IPs and show-stopping technical displays… Or, as is seeming more likely, full of sequels to series started 7 or 8 years ago, announced only to be released at some nebulous point in the future, wherein we will all be able to properly appreciate such gems as Another Gears Of War.

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